Goodbye to the Pill.

I was sixteen years old when, not even a month into a relationship I would be in for three and a half years, my mum marched me down to the local GP to get me put on the pill. Bish bash bosh. A tablet a day for the rest of my life, unless I wanted to get pregnant and die.
At eighteen, I finally went to the doctors to get help for my anxiety and depression, which had begun at the age of sixteen. I was immediately put on Citalopram, which I had to take each day with my pill. At nineteen, my dosage was upped to 30mg, which meant two tablets.
So that’s three tablets a day. As well as vitamins C and D (also for my moods), and an Antihistamine. So let’s recount: 6 tablets a day. Also known as, a pain in the ass.
I changed pills to Millenet after about two years, as my PMS was out of hand, but to be honest I think it was just my general moods, no matter what time the month was. Each day was a struggle. Exercise helped, but only till I got home and was left alone again. I tried counselling twice, I tried yoga and meditation. I just wanted to feel ‘normal’.
In January, my world was turned upside down when my boyfriend of three and a half years and I broke up. Going from being in a serious relationship to not being was a bloody shock. Once I had got over the worst of the upset, I began to think to myself, why am I taking all these pills? What is the point? I realised that I didn’t really know my adult self without some sort of unnatural hormone inside me. So, four months ago I decided to stop the pill.
Its been fifteen weeks since I cut out the contraceptive pill. I have never felt better.
In four years I have not been so happy and content with my life, and I fully believe it is a result of my coming off of the pill. Admittedly, things in my life are pretty good right now. I’ve just started my internship which I love and am meeting new friends every day. I love living in Birmingham. But usually, my anxiety would find a way to ruin it all. I’ve gone from having a breakdown a week, to going stretches of 5 weeks without a single one. I feel positive about the future, motivated and at peace with life in a way I haven’t for four years.
I know I have no scientific proof that the pill caused my anxiety and depression, and of course I still suffer at times. But the fact is that I can trace my anxiety back to being put on the pill. I was put on Citalopram a year after the pill and, to me, the correlation is insane. I have even downed my dosage of Citalopram with the aim of coming off it altogether by next year. I would never have considered it 15 weeks ago, but now it seems so realistic.

I’m not saying this would work for everyone. I had a good chat with my doctor before coming off the pill to make sure I would be okay if I did so, and if I want to go back on it, which I’m sure I will eventually, I need to wait long enough so there is no risk of blood clots. A bit of a pain, yes, but I feel I know myself so much better than I did when I was on the pill, so it has been so worth it.

4 thoughts on “Goodbye to the Pill.

  1. I had the exact same thing! I started the pill and it was around the same time I became depressed and my anxiety just hit a new level. I thought it was because I'd been ill, which left me with fatigue but then I began to realise the timing of everything and stopped taking the pill.
    It helped so much, I honestly don't think I could go back on it seeing how much it affected me. It truly was incredible the difference I felt when I stopped. Now on the lowest dose of Sertraline for my depression.
    Keep going, you're doing really well ��


  2. I'd just like to say that I love reading your blog posts and I feel like I can really relate to what you're saying and what you've been through.
    Please keep writing and posting on your blog, as reading them keeps me going.
    Stay strong and in time you'll beat this! xxx


  3. It's incredible how many people have said they've suffered the same thing – we should be told more about it before going onto the pill! I don't think I could go back on it either, as much as I miss the ease of it! Thank you so much for your comment, means so much that you have taken the time to read the blog and share your experience xxx


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